The journey into self-love and self-acceptance must begin with self-examination… until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life.” – Iyanla Vanzant
We’ve all been there in some way…. the horrible breakup, the falling out with one of our dearest friends or the disintegration of a close familial relationship and we just don’t know why. It’s easy to blame someone else because we can feel the sting of their shortcomings. But, what about YOUR shortcomings?
YOU CANNOT GROW WITHOUT INTROSPECTION.
Do you want me to give you the recipe for having the same relationship over and over with many different people? Here it is. Always blame the other party involved and never reflect on your own actions. You will be sure to continually attract the same experiences.
I’m not talking about taking responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you. I’m talking about asking yourself this question, “What was my part in this?”
YOU NEED TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF.
When you have found the ability to come down from the high emotions of the breakup or fight, you should find a quiet place, grab a piece of paper, and get to work.
“What was my part in this?”
“Do I need to apologize?”
“What do I need to learn so that I don’t have to repeat this experience again?”
“Did I bring toxicity into this relationship?”
“What were my toxic traits?”
“What can I do to fix/heal these negative character traits?”
YOU ARE ONLY A FAILURE IF YOU FAIL TO LEARN.
I hate things that feel like they are wasting my life. Repeating the same mistakes blindly feels like wasted time to me. I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to wake up and do better every day for the rest of my life. I want this for me, and I want this for my children. Like it or not, our children will more than likely make the same mistakes they see us repeating.
IT ISN’T EASY
It isn’t easy. I’m reminded of the butterfly transformation when I think of this. During the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to a butterfly, the butterfly goes through an extremely tedious process. Within the chrysalis the newly transformed butterfly is soft and tender while the chrysalis has a very hard protective layer. Breakthroughs are almost always hard or uncomfortable. In my experience the pain is always worth the progress.