No one feels good about themselves all the time, but you should have a healthy dose of respect and appreciation for who you are, where you’ve been and what is possible for your future.

Here are 7 ways that you may be sabotaging yourself. 

1.You are comparing yourself to others

Comparison is the thief of joy.  We live in a world where we are bombarded with images of perfect, beautiful people.  The truth is most of these images are intentionally created to look perfect and alluring.  You can choose were you put your focus.  Instead of spending all your energy wishing that your waist was as small as, or your breasts were as big as; try rerouting your thoughts to appreciating one of your lovely attributes.  Appreciation releases dopamine and serotonin, the two neurotransmitters responsible for our feel good emotions. 

2. You speak negatively about yourself

Words have power.  In our home we do not allow negative self-talk.  Any time one of my children speaks negatively about themselves I make them replace the negativity with a positive statement.  My favorite is “I thank you God that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  If I were to have a negative thought about let’s say my stomach after a shower, I choose to stop the negativity immediately.  I say out loud, “I am so thankful that this stomach housed my beautiful, healthy babies and daily works efficiently to digest my food so that I can be healthy and care for the family that I love.  Words have power.  I cannot stress that enough.

3. You do not give yourself grace to make mistakes

Mistakes are a necessary part of learning.  Mistakes reveal to us were we need to heal, are lacking information and need to grow.  Mistakes do not make us unworthy or failures.  You are not a failure unless you fail to learn. 

4. You are looking in the mirror too much

Really!! Stop looking at yourself in every window and mirror that you pass.  I was a personal trainer for 12 years and when my female clients would complain about their appearance, I would say, “How long have you lived in your house?” I would then say something along the lines of, “So I guess you have never redecorated anything in the last five years?”  Not one time did any of the women respond with, “No, never.”  Women are wired to continue to improve upon what they have been given.  If you cannot go 5 years without upgrading your house, imagine how you feel about your face, hair and body.  You have lived with those for the last 20, 30 or however many years.  Take care of yourself…. go to the gym, hairdresser, get your nails done, but remember that the rest of the world isn’t as “used” to your image as you are.  Give the mirror a break.

5.You make time for everyone else, but you

Stop it.  You cannot draw water from an empty well, and it is your responsibility to make sure that you are restored.  Take a bath, watch a movie, read a book, take a walk….do the thing that you need to do so that you show up as your best self and feel good at the end of the day. 

6. You believe other people’s opinions matter

Also, STOP IT.  Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.  Do you know why?  They have not walked in your shoes, felt your heart ache, experienced your adversities or wins.  I know it is hard to let go of people pleasing, but you must.  You teach the world how to treat you.  Treat yourself with respect.

7. You have poor boundaries

Learn to say no.  Put your phone on silent mode.  It is ok and necessary to say no and to protect your mental and emotional health. 

Can you relate to any of these? I can tell you unashamedly that I have struggled with every single thing on this list.  Pick one thing and go all in on you.  Remember that if you want to improve your love experience, it starts with you.  Love begins within.