At some point during my single mom journey…which opened the entire can of unhealed childhood trauma worms…I woke up and realized that if it was true that everything wrong with my life was someone else’s fault and I was the victim of everything gone wrong with my life…I was completely powerless and subject to everything and everyone around me. Think about that….

IF NOTHING IS MY FAULT, I AM COMPLETELY POWERLESS AND SUBJECT TO EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AROUND ME.

Let’s be very clear…
I was not trying to be the victim. I was genuinely hurt by childhood abuse and trauma and it was significantly impacting my life.
I was always the kind of woman who wanted to be tough and wanted to be known for my fortitude and mental toughness. However, after years of fighting and putting band aids on soul wounds, I was falling deep into the pit of woe is me.

I DIDN’T WANT TO BE POWERLESS.

I did not want to be powerless. Being a victim was not something that was particularly appealing to me. I wanted to be the heroin of my story. I wanted to feel proud of myself and I wanted to show other people that overcoming debilitating odds was possible.

IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEN I CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER.

Taking responsibility for my life empowered me. Taking responsibility for my life gave me hope for a future where I could actually build something beautiful from a place of peace and hope inside of me. I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to sit right smack in the center of God’s perfect will for my life.

WHAT IS MY FAULT AND HOW DO I FIX IT?

I began to ask God in prayer, “What is my fault? How do I fix it?”
Was is my fault that I was sexually abused…NO. I was wounded and it wasn’t fair. Was it my fault that I used unforgiveness and resentment as a shield to protect my heart? YES. YES. YES. That was my choice. Unforgiveness is a delusional tool. Let me choose to stay in this prison of memory where I was victimized and live in it every day to protect myself from future harm…when I can choose to say, “You hurt me. I forgive you. You had me for a moment in my life…but you can no longer have me or dictate the quality of my life. I am releasing myself from your prison.”

I WAS VICTIMIZED BUT I AM NOT A VICTIM.

I wrote The Love Journey to remind you that you can take responsibility for your healing. You do not have to wait for anyone to say I’m sorry or change their ways. You can look at your life objectively and slowly but surely pick up the pieces that should be saved and build a beautiful life for yourself. Healing does not start with someone else’s apology. Healing begins with your choice to forgive and let go.

I WROTE THE LOVE JOURNEY TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR HEALING.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time.